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Everyday Icons - Protection from Dysfunctional Family Christmas Everyday Icons - Protection from Dysfunctional Family Christmas

Protection from Dysfunctional Family Christmas

The Prayer

I dedicate this candle to you, that you may aid in my miseries as I attempt to survive another holiday season with my family. Protect from the annual invasion of my peculiar relatives and their gaggle of sticky-faced, candy-cane eating, sugar-infused children. Save me from bizarre family food traditions such as burnt or undercooked poultry, tepid microwaved eggnog, and fruitcake of an undetermined origin. Deflect from my consciousness the petty gossip and seething resentment that are directed toward those not in attendance. And grant me the ability to feign gratitude upon receiving YET ANOTHER crocheted poodle tissue cover. Amen.

Directions for Use 

Light candle after opening first Christmas card, and repeat prayer once for every dollar spent under duress on last minute gifts that mean absolutely nothing to you. In cases of extreme desperation, place lit candle directly under lowest and driest branch of Christmas tree while singing “There’s No Place Like Home For The Holidays. Merry Christmas and Good luck!

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SKU# 137

$ 16.95

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